I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
