It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
