Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
