i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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