The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
