dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
