Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
