I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
