didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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