you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
