I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
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