Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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