the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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