Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
