how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
there was a trapeze. enough said
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
