You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
