3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
