I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
