She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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