Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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