I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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