dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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