So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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