We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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