Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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