i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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