Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
