Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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