He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
