How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
