Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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