i would punch a child for taco bell
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
