last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
