We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
