all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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