Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
