And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
