This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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