I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
