I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
