Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
