somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
