but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My vagina is very pro this idea
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
