Did you just see the Batmobile???
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
