I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
