Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
