Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
