Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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