do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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