Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
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