i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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